February 13th, 2013 was the date of my last post on this blog. I think an explanation for my considerable absence is overdue. In June of 2012 my family and I moved from the USA to India, this entire change was extremely taxing on me. I had visited the country prior almost every summer (save for the summer of 2007) however was born and spent the first 14 years of my life in the United States so I hadn't attended school in India, this turned out to be the biggest challenge.
I enrolled at a private school in India in the 9th grade. I often felt betrayed in a way since I was ecstatic to begin High School and I felt as if that was taken away from me. My school in India is mainly comprised of children who have moved from the United States as well but many of them had moved much earlier than I had so while they could relate to my issues, almost no one could relate to the extent. At the first day of school the teachers left an extremely terrible impression on me, I clearly recall my Physics teacher screaming at a chid for smiling in class. This behavior prompted me to begin to not go to school at all. I didn't attend school for another month afterwards and when my parents finally forced me to go I was very bitter. I built up walls around myself in order to shut out the world and this caused me to develop an enormous superiority complex and made more cruel in general. This attitude initiated a long era of my life where I was severely bullied. All the changes and hardships I was facing caused me to spiral into depression where every day was a battle against myself, one that I seemed to clearly be losing. I was trapped in pure darkness and the only way out seemed to be through ending it all.
December rolled along and not much had changed since the move, at least until I attended my first Model United Nations conference. Attending that conference presented me with an opportunity to turn my life around and hopefully step back into the light that was I longed to return to. I made friends and discovered a passion I had previously never known of. Slowly yet surely my life started to become a little brighter. Naturally ,as many who have struggled with similar problems can attest too, there are times where you seem to begin that downward spiral once again. However, through the incredible friends I have made and the support of my family I am not as afraid of that darkness anymore. I’ve endured numerous tribulations, most notably an abusive relationship and anxiety, but since then but I’d like to think that each one was an opportunity to learn and grow.
Now throughout this time period I did not stopped playing Wizard101. Connor is now an exalted wizard eagerly waiting for Polaris and still trying to get his Darkmoor gear. The spiral was truly one of the few places during this entire time period where I could still feel happy and safe and valued. This post is not to explain the death of this blog or to attempt to heal old wounds but rather to help me understand how important this game has been to me and how much I love it. Wizard 101 truly isn’t a game for me, it was and still is a sanctuary. I always knew that I could log into the game and at least for some time be happy.
Although cliché, there is one statement that has always held true for me; “it gets better”. I do not dwell in the shadows anymore because I have learnt to walk in the sun. Maybe this is the last blog post on “The Myth Wiz” or maybe I’ll find inspiration (because I honestly miss blogging immensely) and begin anew. Either way I would like to personally thank the entire Wizard 101 community for simply existing. Regardless of my participation in the community, I’ve always felt safe in game because of it. Hearing Stephen and Christina on Spiral Radio brings me back to my first days as a wizard just as Ravenwood Radio was beginning. I look at how far Friendly has gone, from a player to our community manager and I cannot help but feel overwhelming joy at his achievements. The bustling Wizard101 YouTube community that has formed in the last few years is just another example of how inspirational and creative the players of this game are. I ,of course, look back fondly at the people and websites in the community who may have left the game but who have created an impact on me that will never be forgotten (specifically Diary of a Wizard). This community is truly something spectacular and I am so proud to see how it has grown. Before I wrap this post up I’d like to leave anyone who may be reading with one word, hope. Hope is light and darkness will never win as long as that one word is honored. Always and forever, see ya in the spiral.
